these memories (they haunt me)
by silence of winter
Summary: When Houji finally meets with Yan's little brother, the sole remaining member of the Chi She Lian, it's after decades of playing a deadly cat and mouse game with the infamous Aogiri Tree and something in his chest hurts. [Houji-centric, friendship, angst] [One-shot] [Complete]


**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

 **Author's Notes:** Huge thank you to the guest reviewer who let me know Tatara's older brother's name is Yan! Thank you very much. :-D

Whether or not Iitsuu is the quinque made from Yan's kakuhou still hasn't been revealed (unless it has and I missed that part). So far, this is just my wildly presumptuous speculation.

 **Fair warning:** This fic is unbeta'd and will most likely suck. You have been warned!

 _Summary:_ When Houji finally meets with Yan's little brother, the sole remaining member of the Chi She Lian, it's after decades of playing a deadly cat and mouse game with the infamous Aogiri Tree and something in his chest hurts. [Houji-centric, friendship, angst] [One-shot] [Complete]

 **these memories (they haunt me)**

When Houji finally meets with Yan's little brother, the sole remaining member of the Chi She Lian, it's after decades of playing a deadly cat and mouse game with the infamous Aogiri Tree and something in his chest hurts.

Just a little bit.

Tatara isn't a spitting image of his older sibling, as Houji imagined he'd be, but his eyes... Houji focused on them, noting how those crimson irises were exactly the same as his old rival, Yan, who had been the leader of the Chi She Lian. That ghoul had been exterminated by Houji himself after a long, two and a half year investigation and a bloody raid that was more of a massacre than anything. The casualties on both sides were high, but only one member of the ghoul group managed to get away from the carnage.

Yan's younger brother.

And now, here the man was before him, watching him with cold, vengeful eyes and flames at his side. That Houji would be his opponent in this battle seems painfully obvious - and strangely fitting. There is a history between them, investigator and ghoul, whether Tatara is aware of it or not. Houji spent his youth bringing down the Chi She Lian, and the private rivalry he shared with Yan during those days makes him feel entitled to this fight. Tatara may not be Yan, but he's the man's younger brother, and Houji already feels responsible for exterminating the last remaining member of the Chi She Lian.

Yan's little brother is looking at him, and there is more than just ice in his gaze. When Tatara turns out to be a kakuja, Houji can't say he's too surprised. A Ghoul that was full of hatred and dark, consuming anger couldn't be anything less than a monstrosity in human form. He isn't surprised by the flames that swirl around the Ghoul's body or the heat that fills the room with fatal intensity, but Houji acknowledges their danger nonetheless. Regardless of how powerful he had grown in the following years since Yan's death, regardless of how his reflexes and stamina and power had increased, his body is still human. The blaze is followed by a rage so vicious that Houji knew it would probably be the end of him, but perhaps, part of him thinks, it wouldn't be bad to die by this ghoul's hands, the beloved family of his rival.

His friend.

How sad it was that only now, years after the Chi She Lian leader's death and faced with the possibility of death by his younger brother, can he finally bring himself to admit that fact?

Yan had been his friend.

As the flames come closer to devouring his subordinates, as the danger increases for his comrades as well as himself with each step Tatara takes, something clicks in Houji's mind as he watches the flames and the horrible, pitiful being come closer.

Iitsuu.

The one quinque that is always with him, even if he's never once used it before in any of his previous battles. It just didn't seem right to use Yan's power for such selfish purposes. But, he reminds himself, now isn't just any other battle. Houji is fighting Tatara, the ghoul's younger brother, who is full of rage and hate and vengeance, and the investigator can't help but think that Yan would want him to end it. He would never have wanted his brother to fall so low. Maybe Yan would even help bring peace to his younger brother's miserable, hate-filled life.

Still, Houji hesitates for a few seconds to wonder. _What if Iitsuu breaks?_ The quinque is all that he has left of his friend, aside from the memories that wandered through his mind like stray ghosts. The special class investigator thinks back to their previous battles, each hit and blocked blow, the faint glow of approval and respect in Yan's eyes when they finally separated after a vicious fight. With a faint smile, Houji dismisses the idea of Yan being weak enough to break with this battle. His rival, his friend, was stronger than that.

He orders the quinque and the briefcase flies to his hand like a summoned weapon. He snaps the clasps and the quinque glows as Houji finally, finally allows himself to wield it.

The blade fits his hand like it was meant to be wielded by him.

Its weight was almost nonexistent as Houji leaps forward to meet Tatara's fiery rage, and he can feel Yan's power flow through him like a wildfire, hot and swift and nostalgically familiar.

So familiar that, unbidden, his mind floods with two and a half years of memories, and Houji feels a wistful ache as they all come rushing back to him.

He remembers the coffee shops in China, different yet similar to the ones here in Japan. He remembers the language, the familiar yet foreign characters, hard to read at first but becoming easier as his own proficiency increased. He remembers his old Chinese coworkers who worked and fought and bled and died alongside him. Most importantly, there's the memory of Yan's strangely misleading, icy stare which hid his fiery passion for battles and life just beneath. He remembers their fights and their exchanged words and the mutual respect between them.

The blade made from his friend's kakuhou swings through the air with a vicious glow towards Tatara and his painfully familiar, too-wide reach. Feeling the comforting weight of the sword in his hands, Houji can't help but feel like Yan is with him, even now.

 _Are you still there, though?_ Houji asks, silently, as he steps in close for the finishing blow.

Of course, there is no answer.

His friend is dead.


End file.
